How much should we admire people?

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Most of us, usually admire somebody either because of their intellect, their charisma, their beauty or their skills. But what is the point in admiring if we’re not going to try to replicate those “things” we admire? And let’s be clear, I’m not talking about imitating others without being ourselves, there is a fine line between copycatting others with no purpose and cultivating in ourselves that we admire in others.

The difference is simple, we “admire” those things that we would like to have for us, and with “things” I’m referring to values, skills, characteristics, personal features, etc.  So we would usually like those things that are according to our inner selves, to our personality, in other words, to our uniqueness.

You won’t “admire” a smuggler for getting materials things easily, if you were to admire that smuggler it would mean that you actually admire the characteristic of being a smuggler.  You could also admire a fashion model for its physique but I want to believe that you would admire the fact that he or she manages to have a healthy body and not the fact that the model starves to death to be like that.

Well anyway, I’m mostly sure that you get what I mean. We admire the good things, the things that make us better; we don’t admire the bad things in other people unless we are “questionable” people.  But the important thing is that each time we admire, it should only be a short “period of admiration” and that’s it, period. Because once we recognize that which we admire, we should perform, we should act. We can’t stay in the “admiration period” forever.  We have to start asking ourselves what do I have to do if I want to improve this or want to be able to do this or that.  The true is that probably the person that we admire also had to cultivate his or her skill from scratch and with a lot of effort.  

We are meant to achieve whatever we want; there is no limit to our aspirations and dreams.  The sky is our limit and we should never hesitate about this.

We must look forward to achieve these “things” not because we want somebody else’s approval but because we know we want that change and improvement for us. We don’t improve for others we do it for ourselves. 

I as a loner believe I have a good sense of direction for this; I seek to change and to improve myself always because of me. I thought about this a lot, and maybe my super independent personality and not allowing people influence me directly (of course unless is something good) is part of the reason that I keep the loneliness.  But like I always say in my posts, I always try to get the good aspects of my loner situation; this doesn’t mean that those of you who are not loners should not find the above written also useful.  

Finally a very smart quote for everybody:

“The awe, inspiration and talent you recognize in others are but a reflection of the same thing in you. I highly suggest you do not seek approval or recognition of those you admire but instead cultivate in yourself that which you see in them. There´s a dormant creative genius within you – let them out!” – Jackson Kiddard

And you, how much of this admiring state let pass by you?  Do you take actions to have the same skills and talent you admire in other people or do you just let the admire feeling let go forever without doing anything? 

Why daydreaming with open eyes is actually good…

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I´ve always daydreamed with open ever eyes since I have a recollection of memory. If you don´t know what I´m talking about, maybe you should read this Wikipedia definition first: (just to be sure we´re on the same page)

“Daydreaming is a short-term detachment from one’s immediate surroundings, during which a person’s contact with reality is blurred and partially substituted by a visionary fantasy, especially one of happy, pleasant thoughts, hopes or ambitions, imagined as coming to pass, and experienced while awake.”

When I was younger I remember daydreaming while I was trying to “study” for school, maybe it was out of boredom or maybe I was trying to evade the “studying” aspect of that moment.

I used to dream about what I was going to do when I grew older, how my life was going to be and how would things be that If I were different, if I were richer if I were prettier and others things (the “if I were prettier” dreams were a result of my poor self-esteem at that time but now I have another concept of beauty…). I used to spend a lot of time on this, of 3 hours of study I would spend half of it dreaming about everything and nothing…

As time passed, I started to get stronger ideas of what I wanted to do with my life… do you think I stopped daydreaming? Not at all!, until now I still continue daydreaming all the time even when I´m at work….is it because I really have nothing better to do other than spending time imagining about the things that I would like to achieve or the type of life that I would like to have? Not really, actually I´m always struggling to find time for everything…

It’s because of my nature, I´m a daydreamer by default but I´m proud of it because it actually keeps me in focus in the goals and dreams I want to achieve. If I weren’t frequently remembered by these dreams, I would probably let common life pass by me, forgetting my main ideals and where I´m heading for.

From the perspective of loner, I don’t know if this really applies to “my type”, to my personality that tends to be more distant from people in general and perhaps more focused on my own objectives, but this is just a theory and maybe it would be nice to see your comments about this.. .

BUT, there is an important BUT for the frequent daydreamers, your dreams have to have a little closure of their own, if you want these dreams to really happen, you have to snap out of them by thinking “now what do I have to do if I want to achieve that…” or “well let´s start doing X so one day I can be like in dream Y”… When you come back to reality, or stop dreaming, don´t let this wonderful time that you´ve just spend by go without rescuing encouraging motivations for you to continue life focusing on the direction of your dreams, always give them this little closures, they make you feel better, trust me and it´s a wonderful way to get you excited of the good things that are still to come in the future…

Daydreaming lets you know that life should not be boring and that we shouldn’t accept regular routine, that there is so much out there that needs to be discovered.

If you daydream, find the motivation for following these dreams and planning the actions that are needed to achieve them.

Finally, a quote to remember:

“All people dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind, wake up in the morning to find that it was vanity. But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people, for they dream their dreams with open eyes and make them come true.”

D. H. Lawrence

 

“You are the result of the five people that hang out with you the most”….WRONG!

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I heard this phrase several times and I’m definitely sure that you heard it at least once, and I must be perfectly honest, the first time I heard it I thought to myself: “This is so true…” the phrase really got me and I remember even posting it in my Facebook Wall… I told myself that must be true! Of course people around you influence you a lot! The second time I heard the phrase, I actually thought a little bit more about it, deeply analyzed it and I came to these points:

First, in my situation …being a loner … I couldn’t define my 5 people, it’s not that I’m an hermit, I have people around me or course, but only 3 came to my mind, and the after thinking that maybe person number 3 was not very close to me anymore, I got it sized to 2 people finally (between family and friends)…. But the number of people is not the point of the blog, so let’s continue…

Before, let me tell you the story the prompt my analysis of this phrase, it’s a long story but I’ll summarize it as much as I can….

–          One day I got a visit from a high school friend who I haven’t seen for more than a decade (please try not to guess my age…but yes I’m not that young) . After some little talk we found that we had a friend in common, well it was a work colleague for her but actually a good friend for me … she was actually very perplexed that I was her friend, actually like she couldn’t believe it…it was absolutely strange …she kept asking questions like “do you see her often ? really? how long have you two met you? Really that much?”…

After the visit I told this story to person X and Y (the ones that I spend more time with). Person X said: “I think she was surprised that you had friends!” and person Y said “I think she doesn’t work with your friend and was just pretending” both opinions actually surprised me because Person X and Person Y perceive things very but VERY different from me.

Do you know what my theory was about that friend? Well I thought that “Maybe this friend from school had some sort of conflict with my old friend and was surprised that I was her friend…I don’t know if this theory was true…we’d never know…

Anyway, I realized that person X actually thinks so poor about my social skills and that person Y actually never understood the idea of the story. They perceive things SO different from me that I began to analyze how similar we were between the three, guess what? we were really different from each other and I may be actually the antagonist of person X and Y.

After analyzing them very well, I found that:

–          I love person X and Y but really don’t share the same values and beliefs. Every person must have its own values. You choose to believe and be honest to the values you’ve always had, just because your friends and family believe in other things, you are not going to change or to stop loving them right? You learn to accept them how they are, learn to live with them and YES! you remain faithful to yourself!

 

–          I hang out with person X and Y a lot of time but we don´t share the same passion for the same things. Each person is unique and therefore each of us will eventually find what we love to do and what we are passionate about, that´s intrinsic of ourselves. Other people will come and go in our lives but we always need to pursue our OWN goals and our OWN dreams, not the ones of the people around us.

 

–          It´s true that is better to be surrounded with people who are similar to you or like I read somewhere else…that have the same level of energy as you…but during our journey on this earth we´ve been given family and friends that are our beloved ones, but just because they don´t think like us, it doesn´t mean that we must let them go in search for others more alike, the true is that our personality and the way we forge it and the way we choose to direct our lives is JUST UP TO US and nobody else, so BE YOURSELF regardless of whom you are with! And cherish everybody around you because you can always learn things from everybody…

What do you think? Are you really the sum of the five people around you or are you just YOU?

Don’t let criticism of your personal life get you! Remember the good things…

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Criticism is hard to take sometimes. Sometimes we wish we didn’t hear it and sometimes we want to know it. In our careers, we like to be told what we are doing wrong so we can improve, but do we really want to hear the “we are doing something wrong” part?, I´ll leave this for another future blog.  But there is also another type of criticism, the one related to our personal lives. Loners will hear phrases like these ones:

Why don’t you meet somebody? Why don’t you marry that somebody, have kids with that somebody and marry and live happily ever after?

Well, it won’t necessary be in these words or in such a direct way, but some people will find ways to make us the same questions maybe in a more subtle way (But let´s face it, no matter how subtle they want to be, we always get it what they meant!).

Criticism at our jobs or careers or whatever activity we do to receive criticism is different from the criticism we receive related to our personal lives and sometimes it gets us most because we receive them from close people (family and friends) (Although I met some people for five minutes and believe it or not they just popped out with those sort of questions, excuse me but mind their own business right?…)

But however we take this personal criticism, remember to take into consideration these points:

–          Who says that you have to follow a traditional pattern? Is there somewhere written that says that whatever the traditional society says is what you should do? Can anybody assure you that by doing what others do you will have happiness guaranteed?

 

–          Do you really have to follow society traditions? Do you really want to be like everybody or you´d rather be unique? Maybe your way of living is destined to be different. Whenever someone makes judgments about your personal life, just think to yourself: “well I´m unique and maybe I can make my life more exciting this way” I´m not against of finding a partner or a significant other, but remember, just be with somebody if you feel it and want it not because people pushed you into that or you wanted to “merge” to society in some way. Remember, better alone than in bad company.

 

–          Don’t ever question your own beliefs, society has formed certain preconceptions about how a person should develop his or her life, and every generation has done that. Many years ago society thought that women should only raise kids and stay at home, that was how society thought about how thinks should work at that time, do we still think the same? For the sake of goodness, I really hope that people out there don´t think like that anymore… But then if you see these changes in what society thought ages ago and nowadays, who guarantees that what our society thinks now is correct and is still going to work in the future? Maybe you are the future or you are ahead of your generation.

Personal criticism of your life can sometimes really get you, but don´t let it. Try to remember all these things and just push yourself into your own goals and in living your life the best you can. Don´t get stuck in trying to fit a certain “mold”, don´t let this criticism affect who you are or change you. If you are a loner, then be a Happy One!

 

Being a loner actually gives more opportunities to focus on career goals?

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I don’t know what you may think about this but I’m beginning to see that maybe this could be true…

I’m a multi task person, I work in a company as technical writer, have a small business of my own and sometimes I happen to have small consultancies or “small jobs” on the way. Everything that seems interesting and that could give me an extra income is always welcomed. I have some bigger ideals and goals for the future… for instance I would like my business and my free lancing jobs to be big enough to make me an independent entrepreneur…. For the moment the economic situation is not that ideal…and that means that I have to maintain for a little longer my full time job … it’s not a bad job but I really don’t see myself spending years and years there….

I’m more of a free spirit person and like many of you probably I would like to travel a lot around the world in the future but for that to come I have some financial issues to resolve before (like the money for traveling right?).

So after all these ramblings I don’t want to bore you anymore and I want to summarize my thoughts in the following points, as encouragement for the people that are loners out there and don’t see that they may actually have an opportunity that others don’t have:

  • First, you can actually have more time to organize yourself; you keep worrying about your social life or “lack of”? So maybe you should gather your strengths to realize that you can actually take this “extra time” to see what are you going to do to improve your career opportunities, you always wanted to take that course about graphical design, creative writing, photography, marketing or something to improve your skills? What are you waiting?
  • You have a business idea but you have to do some market research or other type of research first to see if your idea actually has the chance to work? Use your extra time for this! Never complain about your lack of social life, see the positive side of this and see this as “good extra time for yourself”
  • You’ve been trying to change your career or want to start something new or just change of job? In this case I must tell you, some decisions are easier when you’re a loner, you don’t have actually to consult anybody else… or on the contrary, you can be sure that you won’t have that somebody else questioning about all your decisions, take the opportunity, if you are a loner, take the risks you always wanted to take, trust me this may be the best time for you to do that…
  • Finally, it may sound a little bit cold to say this, but being in a relationship, well depending of course the type of relationship (unless you have a perfect one), may actually make you lose the focus.  Difficult relationships where the circumstances make you worry or be afflicted all the time, may actually impact your career life. The relationship becomes your main worry in your life, and guess what; your career (well for most cases, not for everybody) becomes secondary and therefore doesn’t receive the attention that it should.
  • If you are a loner, take the advantage to focus all your energy on the things you always want to achieve, no difficult relationships torturing your head, just the pure and free spirit of pursuing your goals! So cheer up!

What do you think? I hope this is helpful for all loners, I would like to hear your comments (not only from loners! )

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