Well, yesterday was one of the strangest days of my life. It was a regular Sunday with nothing to do, no many chores at home, not many responsibilities but it was different as well since I also had a Baby shower to attend to. I´m not very social so I usually don´t have many social appointments programmed for the weekends and I really get excited when I find that I have one (yeah, sounds kind of little pathetic right…). I guess this loner may need to shake up her life a little bit more…
Friends are long gone, or at least I have lost contact with most of them. I only see them through Facebook and hear about their news, what they are up too, through the posts on Facebook. I guess this is the new era and I have to admit I have fall prisoner of this new way of making social contacts, really sad, right?
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So what is that I want? I’m hugely focused in my dreams in projects, which are growing big each time more. But at the same time, I have left the “personal life” falter a little bit. On previous weekends I would have gotten very excited to do “my stuff on my own”. This Saturday I got my embarrassed-guilty-passion books: Insurgent and Allegiant (yeah I know is really embarrassing but I was desperate to receive them on the mail). I had new stories to process (read and write) for my fan fiction TV Series (I know I´m such a geek). But nothing worked for me weekend.
The Baby shower felt really dull. I didn´t enjoy at all, people just seemed dulled for some reason. I´ve been to plenty of social gatherings were I don´t know people may folks around but I always find the way to cope it and I could be very good at small chit-chatting. But yesterday just felt odd, I felt like a fish out of water. And to top it when I arrived home, I found the latest episode “Game of Thrones” so boring that I didn´t know what to do after. I didn´t feel like surfing the net, reading or watching TV, nothing, I just switched off the lights and went to sleep. I woke up really early this morning. So what is going on then?
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Do I need a complete makeover of my life? Why? I like everything that I´m doing, the job, the projects but the social environment is killing me. Unfortunately, in this little town there is no way to meet people, you may not believe me, but it is true. So do I need a change of cities, countries? I don´t know. Should I go out of my house and live alone? I have considered that, but it´s kind of dull when you think it very objectively, my salary is not high enough for me to pay a rent and live comfortably, should I sacrifice “comfortability and the possibility of traveling” for the sake of living on my own? I don´t know and you have to consider that the house is legally owned by my mom and me, so it sounds weird, but I shouldn´t be looking to suffer for rent when I own 50% of the house right? , I know it is selfish but pretty rational from my point of view. My Aunt inherited me the 50% of her share, so maybe I´m now trapped, in a good way. So if I ever move, it would have to be out of the city, definitely.
So all this mumble jumble, it is just to remind me that. No matter what your priorities, goals, projects are. From time to time, there has to be a sudden pause in your life and RE-EVALUATE. It keeps you fresh. Perhaps, I need to give it more importance to the social aspect of my life, well I´ll do it now. This loner may need to come out of her shell a little bit more. Not only on the “online world” but on the real world! Friends are already gone, so maybe I need to find a way to find other ones; another crazy travel should be planned? I don´t know…. Could be… should I join some team/course? Well maybe!
Anyway, I´m glad yesterday was yesterday. And that all the happenings (actually the fact that nothing happened) made me realize all those things. I´m glad that I´m a writer that never faces a “blank page”. I´m glad that I question the direction of my life every day. I´m glad that I´m self-aware and I know how I am and where I want to head to. I´m so grateful for that and for the chance that there is still room for improvement, if not life would be pretty damn boring right?
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Finally, I´m glad that I wrote this post because it makes me who I am. The writer inside me. The person that needs to write to make it to the next level. And I hope that I have managed to motivate somebody out there to look for their paths and struggle for it. To re-adjust their lives and to look for more growing. Life is a constant battle and I believe that there is never a top achievement at the end of the road. It´s the “fight in between” that makes our lives, and we must try to make of this fight the most exciting and fulfilling we can, even if we have to re-adjust it hundreds of times. So pause and readjustment?